The Ignorantly Blissful Question

QUESTION!!!!

I was recently involved with someone over the summer and my red flags went up with I initially met this person so I tried to keep my distance and just have fun but if you know me then you know casual sex isn’t my thing and I’m an old fashion want to be settled down kind of girl. As I got to know her more I of course caught feelings and as always I got played out in the end for someone else. Long story short, she has cheated on her boyfriend, now turned fiance, several times with me and others and has gotten away with it. Her fiance is clueless to the double life she lives. Whether or not she’ll stop doing this eventually who knows but I uncontrollably still have feelings for her, which are slowly fading away but my question is do you feel like her fiance is lucky not knowing. Him or any other person for that matter who has been cheated on but doesn’t know. He’s head over heals for this girl and she’s providing him with this fairy tale of a relationship that keeps a smile on his face as well as hers considering she’s always boasting about it and a small part of me envies him because she once made me feel the same. So do you think it’s better off that people stay blind and enjoy their artificial committed relationship or that they should always deserve to know the truth and make an effort to find someone who is willing to be loyal. Now a days there are so many ways to cheat and keep it hidden that it seems that being blind is one of the best options that anyone can take. It might be my trust issues speaking for me but I also think that’s being realistic. Love the blog! keep up the great work.

 

From the Heart Broken Perspective:

I am sorry this is happening to you. I know it sucks. Knowing and not knowing is a catch 22 situation. I don’t consider the fiance lucky because as someone who has been strung along as my partner does God knows what with Jim, Jamie, LaFonda, and Sue. I do not believe I was lucky in not knowing, because when the shit ultimately did hit the fan I got hurt that much more. He wants to be have the chance to try and fulfill her needs. She should communicate if she isn’t being satisfied.

However, If she is considered a fixer uppers, then he is lucky. These are the one’s who are long term projects (i.e. hoes to housewives), with the end result being great spouses that we can love through the years. We love these people because of who they are and the excitement they bring to our seemingly dull existence. And will allow them to do everything short of sleeping with a blood relative. And if she is this and he never finds out, if none of the consequences of her actions ever touch the bubble of their happy home, then I consider all people involved lucky. But that rarely happens. 

 

From the Heart Breaker Perspective:

Chances are the fiance has some idea however is comfortable with being told all sorts of lies and deceptions that put his mind at ease or at least allows him to think about something else. However, they aren’t married yet, what’s to say that he’s not doing his own thing before the final vows are exchanged? She is just sowing her royal oats before she becomes the “ol’ ball and chain”. Be happy to have been one of the lucky few. The lying, the secrets, the not knowing, is good for all involved. No man wants to know that his fiance is in bed with men and women, especially one that is as in love as you claim. Men are crazy. She don’t want to hear the noise and you don’t want to deal with dramatic phone calls asking for a ride somewhere and plastic lining the seats. She cares just enough about this man and those she’s sleeping with to keep it a secret. Good for her, him, and you. She is having her fun and her kicks before she becomes the good wife he deserves but if your lucky, she is compiling a list of those she will call on when the situation of passion occurs and/or the marriage is ending. And if your lucky, you might be near the top.    

 

From the Sexually Frustrated Perspective:

I give her snaps and kudos for being on point with her shit. All the fun and she gets to leave the hard part of thinking and feeling up to you and those that she has trapped in her interesting web. The not knowing is good for her. And her alone she has no responsibility for the situation at hand. She has spread her secrets across the people she lays with and receives no backlash. 

 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Not knowing does allow for the honeymoon to stay however it is no longer real. The power of any union is the power that both parties have in it and that power is taken away from the partner who is getting cheated on by the secrets the act itself produces. The cheater doesn’t have to make any decision regarding her feelings or take into account anyone else’s. While the fiance gets to remain blissfully ignorant he is also missing out on the intimate relationship that his partner is spending with someone else. He isn’t lucky, because her time, mental energy, and emotional energy is going elsewhere. He might never find out about all the other people she has been with however the long lasting affects of that are a relationship without a solid foundation and these days a marriage cannot function without the foundation that commitment instills.   

 

And for the record walking blind is NEVER the best avenue to take. Yes, there are many more ways to cheat however the very simple ways to make a relationship work, haven’t changed. It takes communication, compromise, love, care, growth, and vulnerability. Not knowing, or blissful ignorance takes away my power and the power of anyone and everyone that allows it. With all the people in the world, there is always one that will treat you right, so don’t compromise or give up your power to chose how to be treated by the person who is supposed to treat you the best.  

 

SIDE NOTE:

When we are talking about relationships, what we are really talking about are laws of attraction, you get what you put out in the world. So if you are dating or getting to know people and aren’t getting the results you want. Before you change your outfit, places of entertainment, etc. Take a moment to reexamine how you interact with yourself in the world. Are you putting yourself first? Are you treating yourself with love and respect? Are you walking your journey to your fullest ability?

These are important questions because the person you meet will be supporting you on your journey and the universe takes cues of who and what to send you by how you love or don’t love yourself.