Where the hell have you been? No one’s secret

I know, I know.  I wrote the damn book so I should not be discussing this topic of secrets when referring to my love life.  But honey, opps I did it again.
And she played with my heart, and i got lost in the game. Ohh baby, baby.
And I felt once again the feelings  immortalized in my work. 
My grieving period this time was not one of r&b but blues, jazz, and boy bands.
Yea it was serious. Nsync and Backstreet Boys brought me back to life.
I tried to chalk this one up to being open to love and following my heart but the truth is I left and then came back. I knew better which is why I left in the first place but now I’m wishing I would have stayed with my original decision and left on my terms.  Instead I went back damn near crawled back for her love which was barely enough to sustain me through afternoons.

But is being lonely that shitty? When I was younger it wasn’t.  I could disappear inside myself and hide, get lost, explore, build things, write things.  But for some reason at a certain age that ability became a concern for adults and parents.
So I was forced into this social world of rules and such, I was always more of an observer. But alas mass media doesn’t endorse the loner so I was made to join.
Then sex got involved and I went ape shit and now I am finally calm and coming back to self.
However with that comes the learning to be with oneself and enjoy my time with me. Which comes with the extra baggage of not being sad when I’m not entertaining or don’t have people around me.
So along with me putting myself through this, my phone breaks on May 18th and it is June 6th($print is owned by the devil) and I am just getting my replacement phone which forced me to resort to a minutes phone (I COULDN’T EVEN GET ON THE INTERNET). And I had to limit my conversation and yall know I’m long winded.
Sigh shaking my head and rolling my eyes.
So needless to say I’ve been going through and that is where my black ass has been.

Glad to be back and dating myself (I give it to the end of the summer, lol, MAYBE 😉 )