Apparently I have watched far too many romantic comedies and applied the lessons to my overall love life and understanding of love.
LOVE HURTS BITCH!!!! I repeat. LOVE HURTS BITCH!!!!
Seriously, it does, especially love that is worth it.
Now be clear that I am not talking about domestic violence or any abuses of the mental, emotional, or psychological of nature.
I’m talking about finding love, opening up and being vulnerable, getting hurt, then fighting(or waiting) for the love that is yours to return.
That is the basic formula of every single romantic comedy.
The twists come in when:
1. You wait too long, and the person meets someone else, but eventually they realize that even though the relationship was challenging or messy. That is was worth fighting for. (see The Adjustment Bureau)
2. The person is swept away by that friend who has been waiting in the wings (DAMN THEM), but eventually they realize that it wasn’t the friend that they wanted. It was the person that was gonna make them better. (see This Means War)
3. The person just walks away, sooner or later they run into their love again and they rekindle the flame of their romance (see Great Expectations)
The basis of all this is that love hurts. And not because we want it too. But because when we find a person we are connected to there are so many things within society that says: it won’t last, you’ll make a fool of yourself, it’s too good to be true, etc.
So what usually happens is, we as a society give up on love. We give up on the feeling of being seen, heard, and understood by our partner. We give up on chances to really make a connection because when the first sign of trouble comes around we automatically flee. We run, we hide, we beat ourselves up for even thinking love was possible for us.
We believe it was too good to be true and we say goodbye when the real statement should be: “let’s give this another try.”
Most people aren’t in the passionate exciting relationship of their dreams because they are stuck in the rebound relationships they got into after that.
Love that is worth it. Is worth fighting for. Waiting for and dare I say, changing for. It is worth trying something new. LOVE can hurt. IT does hurt. BUT it is worth the risk. It is worth jumping in head first into something that may not have a bottom. It’s worth changing your comfort zone and your safety zone. IT is worth it.
If you believe that it is. So get out there and FIGHT!!!!
Once again it has happened. A lover of my life, in my life, has left me for easier candidates, for greener pastures. And I am stuck. I am stuck again, reliving the contents of poems that I believed were long since forgotten to the pages of my book. But alas, the pain and the disappointment come crashing down upon me all over again. And this time it isn’t a poem about the pain that I want to write but a clarification of my standards. I make no jokes about it. I am a hard person to love. It is a combination of my life, how I love and how I run my relationships and friendships that make my love difficult. My love is like a garden, it is good soil. You can plant something there however, without the proper nutrients, love ,and support I will reject what was planted. I will reject the seed. I will reject notions of change if a person does not have the audacity to fight for me and my love. Fight against what? Many might ask. Fight against my self destruction, fight against my darkness. These are not easy battles for the faint of heart. Between my constant gender battles and loves running in and out my life in different forms a chick who is with me must be extremely comfortable in her position. She must love me for the light that I show her and not take the actions of my darkness seriously or personally. However, again that has not come to pass. and if leaves me with feelings of shit, I feel like shit. Because it wasn’t the material stuff she wanted, she enjoyed the time we spent together, the freedom our unions allowed her to explore. And I got left for a man with a car, a job, and who is far more advanced in the skill that I am currently relearning. I can’t explain how it feels to be left for a man. Especially a man that I can’t hate because from what I know, he is a good man. No faults that I can name or are aware of. He will treat her right. They will have the conversations of age that we couldn’t have. However, what of passion? What of the intensity that comes with a look and a glance? Those looks that I feel are reserved only for me. But she will fall for him. And this hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I harmed for her. I slide, knife against arm to show her how sorry I was for the pain I caused. And she is trusting someone else, getting to know another. She said that heartbreak at 23 is different than when you are older. And I disagree, I disagree completely with that statement. It is the fear that is different, not the pain. The fear of being alone forever, the fear of not having someone who really knows you or really sees you. I imagine that fear, later on in life in compounded, with the assumption that life is over. That love no longer can be difficult. That love is something that no longer needs to be fought for and struggled for. She doesn’t understand. And I finally understood, that I can’t be the only one fighting for love. That I can’t be the only boxer in the ring.
I walked away from a situation that if I wanted I could have prolonged for a year or two. But for what? Why must I have to convince someone to be with me? I shouldn’t and frankly no longer have the breath for it.
So now I am working on my recipe, the recipe that I will deliver up to the universe for my perfect mate.
It includes
3 cups of sexy
3 cups of attraction
6 cups of creativity
6 cups of intelligence
3 cups passion
2 1/2 cups crazy
3 cups manners
3 cups ratchet
3 cups fighter
…………..
I’m still working on this recipe.
But what’s yours?
Due to the completion of my fabulously ratchet stage play, I will not be posting all my good copyrighted shit here. Now you must wait for the show, my fabulous SHOW!!!!!! February 14th, 2014. If your single, broke, lonely, sexually frustrated, hunting, or in the various stages of love, sex, ad passion I will see you there. Updates will be coming soon.
ANYWAY, BACK TO THE CHANGES!!!!
It has come to my attention that a large amount of my friends have been posting things about relationships, love, fucking, sex, cheating, masturbation, or simply put issues with interacting with themselves and their partners/friends intimately. Because of this my facebook, twitter, and instagram are filled with the sob stories, angry rants, and questions of my friends who either have no idea how to handle various situations or are just looking for feedback. Lucky for all, I have decided to give my superior feedback, with no permission granted, or boundaries to stop me.
So I will be stalking pages and timelines to make sure I have the T on situations and then I will be commenting on them. If I do a reading and do not have all the information I will just assume I’m right until further details are revealed and then I MIGHT change my response.
FOR THOSE WHO DON’T WANT ME TO FIND THEM
They can psot to my facebook or here for feedback on their various love, sex, and passion problems.
I also reserve the right to comment on your stuff, tag you in it and not tell you. Because there are some things that should lovingly never be but on Facebook, or ever in a Tweet.
IT HAS HAPPENED!!!!!
I HAVE CONVERTED THE RATCHETNESS OF LOVE’S TWISTED LESSONS into a STAGEPLAY!!!!!!!!
COMPLETE WITH MUSICAL NUMBERS, COSTUME CHANGES, AND DARE I SAY A SERIOUS AMOUNT OF SHADE.
FOR THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN APART OF MY LIFE, LONG ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT MY LOVE LIFE IS CRAZY AND RATCHET.
THEN YOU WILL LOVE THE COLUMBUS CLOUD SHADE THAT IS UP, DOWN AND THROUGHOUT THIS WORK.
AUDITIONS FOR STAGE HANDS, 3 BACK UP DANCERS/SINGERS WILL BE POSTED IN THE NEAR FUTURE.
And the titles, end, reads not really because its down on the page but honey, the real work has just begun!!!!
Summer lovin, had me a blast…
Summer lovin, happened so fast
Met a girl crazy for me
Met a dyke as cute as can be
AND NOW IT’S OVER
As the nice days turn cold and we gain an hour of additional hibernation darkness, it becomes more and more apparent that winter is right around the corner AND that it’s about that time. To dump summer loves and flings for the arms of mildly overweight to morbidly obese lucky people who offer more than enough warmth, cuddle time, and food to keep the iron deficient heart breakers fed and emotionally occupied until the sun comes back as a dominant seasonal force.
Why dump people? What is it about the summer that causes people to find love? What is it about the fall and winter that makes people give it up, deny it, or lose it? These are all valid questions that can be answered by the first 20 minutes of Grease with John Travolta. In the opening credits of the movie you see Danny and Sandy gazing into each other’s eyes confessing love and how they don’t want to leave each other and how if they just believe they will ultimately see each other again. You know, all those typical things you say to a person who lives miles and miles away from your actual life, right before you leave them to go back to it. And when the story takes the audience back to Rydell High, we begin to see why he was all lovely dovey with Sandy. The number one reason being he(Danny aka John Travolta) couldn’t be himself at home. In his regular life he wasn’t the soft spoken, sensitive person that Sandy met on the beach. On the contrary, he was the leader of his own gang that smoked, drank, had unprotected sex and probably hung out with black people(o yea, troublemakers). The summer however, gave Danny the freedom to leave his environment and step out of himself to a person his own friends didn’t know. The summer provides the young and the willing with the time, space and opportunity to go some place new and be someone different, possibly the person the truly want to be.
The question then becomes who did you meet? Is the person you met this summer, really who they are in their regular life? If so, did you meet the protagonist or the antagonist? But am I kidding, of course you met the protagonist. Especially after you guys; spent all that time talking, walking, listening to each other, being kids with one another. However most times then not, we meet the protagonist and feel the antagonist’s wrath around this time when the picture of your Thanksgiving changes from imagining your partner in holiday appropriate apparel; sitting across from your parents who secretly gauge as you laugh with delight on the inside about their discomfort but also attempt to think of a decent excuse to exit while feeling bad that you have to, too, you looking stupid when it’s time to show off who you’ve been bragging about.
Despite the fact that this is a morbid subject I hope it makes you feel better that it also happens to the beautiful, pretty and gorgeous elite as well. And they don’t experience the grey area that us lesser mortals are entitled too. The reasoning for breaking it off with them is plain and simple; arm candy is not necessary in the fall and winter because most aren’t keen on the warranty and maintenance. What I’m trying to say is, pretty, beautiful people with too much emotional baggage and who give less than satisfying sexual favors will usually be dumped by the time the temperatures reach the low 50’s for the uglier yet nastier ryde or die competition that he/she didn’t even know existed.
This is not a slight against pretty people but a fact about the end of summer. The end of summer yes sometimes means the ends to possibilities, to the consistent sunlight showering our mind with happy endorphins, to the end of barely dressed people and skin. But what is really ending is the vanity that comes with the sunny season. The end means no need to be with those who are socially acceptable yet emotionally inferior. It means and end to the instant connections within the barriers of eye sight and replaces them with the kind of conversation that merits the connection that is so often rushed in the summer.
But what does this mean in the hunt for companionship? Well for the readers, it means that the fall and winter is anyone’s game for those who offer little stress, food, warmth, and an ear. With the summer fading into the shadows of fall and winter, with it the last bits of that magical season in which people transform into the best and worst of themselves being locked away again for another 6 months. Fall and winter offer if nothing else the only level playing field for the non-traditionally beautiful to find the mate of their dreams without the competition the sun enables.
Happy hunting.
Any thought?
You ever been rocked by your sadness into a nightmare of
love’s despair? Only to awaken to a reality that isn’t far off from
the dream scape you left? Heartbroken and miserable, I’m there.
It is there that I realized that….
No one is ever ready for love…. NO ONE. No one is prepared for
the shutters that come along your sides when they touch. No one is
prepared for the tunnel vision. NO ONE. Not the wisest man or the
scholar. Because love… Turns people into fools because it doesn’t
involve the mind, it’s all heart. It’s feelings and emotions in
their purest and devilish of forms.
So….
At the end when (and if) you’ve survived love’s storms. There is
no guarantee that your heart will be intact. No guarantee that you
will still be left standing or able to live another day. So be careful
and choose wisely.
NOW THINK ABOUT IT, LET IT MARINATE, THE POST COMMENTS!!!!
Welcome to Love’s Twisted Lessons: For the Heartbroken, the Heartbreaker’s, and the Sexually Frustrated blog; A collective journey to the darker sides of love.
I will be posting all the poems, rants and random thoughts individually so that we can take the much needed time to fully process them all.
SO please comment and post your experiences and bring your friends into the fold. No one should ever go through any of this by themselves, and now you don’t have to.
However, if your friends are not being supportive of your struggle with Heartbreak I would like to extend my sincerest apologies. So curl up with your favorite comfort food, sad music in the background and embark on this journey through you.
Equally important, if you have discovered that all the pain, heartache, and frustration your going through is somehow apart of your karma, I would like to applaud you on the realization however still extend my sympathies as you go through your storm of Karmatic payback.
If you’re reading and HAVE NOT been in love, these poems/rants might frighten and scare you away from it. However, DON’T run from it because it’s a hell of a ride and can be a life altering experience (For the better or worse, depends on if you learned the lessons you were supposed to).
What lessons you ask?
We’ll discuss that later.
Also for the heartbreakers, those people that use and play with the emotions of the damaged, deranged and devalued. If you get caught, you’re SO on your own, so cover your tracks or at the very least get your lies down. Happy hunting!!!
Disclaimer: If after reading this blog and listening to the stories of others, you realize that your current partner is a Heartbreaker, that is NOT my fault and there is no reason to get mad at me. I am not going to be held responsible or liable for the actions of others if you give ANY of the works from this blog to a partner, significant other, or fuck buddy to express how you feel. ALSO, if you choose not to listen to the warnings of others that have survived this and get turned out, used up, and abused. THAT IS YOUR FAULT.
ENJOY!!!
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Love's Twisted Lessons 